After a period of sobriety, you may come to crossroads in recovery when it comes to hanging out with friends who still drink. You put together a dinner party with a few close friends and find that one of your friends that you know from recovery has come to the event high or drunk. You feel completely disrespected in one way and feel empathic in another because you have certainly been there – done that. With this inner turmoil taking place, you could find yourself unsure of how to handle the situation in the best way possible for everyone.
Choose compassion
Although you may feel like you are responsible for bringing someone drunk or high around born again teetotalers, you cannot control people, places, or things. Logical, unjudgmental people will also understand that this was not your own doing and hopefully give grace in an otherwise uncomfortable situation. Coming down on the person who is drinking or using, especially when they are under the influence, will not really do anything except poke the bear. Take time to be thoughtful in how you deal with the situation because you are showing them deserved kindness by doing so.
Choose boundaries
Depending on the severity of the situation is how you can delve into setting the appropriate boundaries. Giving the person who is drunk or high the impression that you are criticizing their behavior separates you from being part of the solution when you are in the middle of the mess. Sometimes a silent boundary is the best way to go because you do not have to engage with someone who is under the influence. Obviously, if they are incoherent or acting inappropriately you will need to take some action but reacting out of emotion will not do anyone any good. Make sure that you are running your boundaries by someone else and holding up your bottom line so that you are not enabling them or becoming codependent on their addiction. Take time to set boundaries that will protect your sobriety and maybe help them into their own recovery.
Seeing someone whom you care about in recovery relapse is no fun, although you need to know this can happen. Keep working your program and using your recovery principles to be the example they need of sobriety.
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